Riding In Cars--With Big Don

Big Don wore glasses for the better part of 60 years. At the ripe age of 72, he declared his vision to be 20/20 and that he no longer had a need for glasses. The man didn't have Lasik and I am pretty sure vision doesn't improve with age--but whatever, desperate times calls for desperate measures and right now with a pinched nerve in my back that is affecting my right leg I am desperate enough to trust Big Don's "perfect vision" behind the wheel for my transportation needs... I mean, if the state of VA says he can drive, I guess I should agree... and I guess he can see the road well enough to drive... but to be honest, Big Don with or without glasses has always made me nervous driving... with good reason.

My sister and I were both in high school when Big Don picked us up after school to head to the regional baseball game--along with my mom and one of our friends. We pull up to a red light in the big town of St. Paul and bam! the car jumps about 2 feet from being hit from behind by a guy in a pick-up truck. My heart about stops, my mom is clinging to the "oh shit gripper" like it's her job, friend just has a look on her face, my sister lets out a cuss word or three, and Big Don is unphased--hands are still at 10 and 2 like the perfect driver's ed example--and there is no reaction except "do you all want to go to Burger King and get something to eat before the game?"--"Doooon, we just got hit by that truck" screams my mom... "We got hit?! is that what that was? huh.. I didn't know what that was"... No damage was done to our car and we luckily made it to the game by the second inning.

My cousin Tracy and her husband Joe live in Pennington Gap (which is about 40 minutes from our house). We had a family get together at their house for the Fourth of July one year when I was in high school. They have an extremely steep driveway that runs parallel to the highway--with only one option--back down the driveway. After a fun day of grilling and laughing with family, it was time to come home. Dad hopes in the driver's seat, mom is riding shot gun, and my sister and I are in the back. Dad begins the decent down the driveway as Tracy and Joe stand in the front yard waving... Dad doesn't look behind him, he just kicks it reverse and lets off the break... halfway down the driveway my mom screams, "Don, you are going into the grass and down the hill!"... I know I am!.. We go down the hill, hit the ditch while the car scrapes and makes god awful sounds, and then pop up on the highway... Tracy and Joe are standing mouth open with "ohmygawd" looks on their face. Dad kicks it into drive with no change in expression yet again and we take off back to Scott County. Ridiculous.

A few winters ago I was home from grad school and our mission for the day was to buy new tires for my car and a new TV for the living room. Big Don's cousin is retired from designing/building engines for Nascar and now operates a tire store/garage so we hit him up for a good deal. Instead of waiting for a few hours at the tire shop, Big Don's cousin lets us use a loaner car to go find a TV. Big Don gets behind the wheel of this sweet mid-1990s mini-van and we are off to hit up Best Buy and of course "the" Wal-Mart (people in SWVA/NETN always say "the" before Wal-Mart... as if there is only one)... After staring at endless flat screens and never buying anything (a trait of Big Don and my sister), Big Don decides it's time to go eat lunch at McDonalds. We are on Stone Drive (for those familiar) and are going to the McD's in Lynn Garden because according to him it is the best McD's in Kingsport. Dad pulls up at the red light in front of Hog Wild (a bar)... The light turns green arrow and it happens... he goes down the up ramp and is heading straight for oncoming traffic. I scream "holy shit, we are going down the up ramp DAD!"---with no change in expression he whips that mini-van into the grassy area between the ramps and merges onto the correct exit ramp with cat-like quickness... "sooo, what are you going to eat at McDonalds Kari? I think I'm gonna get a Big Mac. I like those pretty good... you like them?"... I wasn't very hungry after seeing my life flash before my eyes.

This week while I have been unable to drive we have ventured out to a MiLB game, we have visited family, and he drove me to see the doctor... luckily, we didn't get hit by any pick-up trucks, we used all the right exit ramps, and we backed out of all driveways successfully.. and he didn't fall asleep at the wheel (I wasn't present for that incident so I can't blog about it)... huge success? I think so.